The Questions That I Think, But Do Not Ask

 > To riders who ask me about the driver shortage

Do you tip? Every single time you get good service from a driver?

Because my records show that over 90% of you do not.

So, follow up... What are you, personally, doing to ensure this service exists?

> To riders who enter my car without a coat and comment on the coldness of the weather (in December, no less)

Are you aware of Coat Technology? Could be a big thing, coats. If I were you, I'd invest.

> To riders who ask to charge their phone

Why is your failure to plan my problem?

And a follow up -- if you take a bus, train or plane, do you also expect those forms of transportation to cover for your failure?

> To riders who make the driver wait before getting in the car

Are you aware that you've hired transportation, and not an audience?

> To riders who can not use head phones while playing content on their phone

Why do you think I want to hear your content? (or) Why should I be subjected to your content, given that I can not drive a car safely while wearing head phones, while you can more than safely be a passenger while wearing them?

And a follow up -- who raised you, and can you please let them know they did a bad job?

All It Takes

The start of my shift is a guy who talks, then asks me to stop at a liquor store without changing the ride. That's kind of a drag, as it can make the app start chirping at me, but so be it. He promises to give me the change from a $20 from his purchase and actually does it, so it's a decent first hour. 

That's the thing about this hustle. All it takes is one ride to make the shift good.

The end of my shift is a guy out in the cold outside of a bar, screaming at his companion profanely, tearing off her coat while ordering her around. He's under-dressed and exuding enough bad energy to honestly scare the crap out of me, and he leaves the door open under the theory that I won't drive the hell away while he moves away to berate his companion some more.

Wrong theory. I drive off and the wind acceleration closes the door. I zip off about a half mile away and cancel the ride, file a report with Uber, and more or less end the shift early from the bad vibes and adrenalin. 

That's the thing about this hustle. All it takes is one ride to make the shift bad.

Who's Responsible for the Driver Shortage

 So there's a pretty consistent question that I get the last few months, especially when I've had to come a long way to get the passenger. "Why aren't there more drivers?"

Some folks want to go down the rabbit hole of These Kids Today Just Don't Want To Work. But let me just share some numbers with you. They are my earnings for the past month in the platforms.

The top number for each week is Lyft, and the bottom one is Uber. From the numbers, you can see how good Friendsgiving was, and how meagre it's been for the last week. You can also see the relative efficiency in terms of rides per hour. In general, I go for short rides to stay local, and long rides while masked with windows ventilated in winter can be uncomfortable. I also really prefer to know the area that I'm driving in, as you hit fewer potholes and limit wear and tear on your car. I'm also really not a fan of burning through a lot of toll charges, even when you get reimbursed for them. To each their own.

But the big point that I want you to focus on is Tip Percentage. To explain the metric, it's the percentage of how much I made that week from tips.

It is, frankly, an embarrassment. 

I've been doing this work for 5 years and 20K-plus rides. I've always been highly rated, and have always provided a level of service that is, frankly, better than other drivers (or, at least, the ones I've taken a ride with). I deserve tips. 

I'm not the best driver for everyone, because the car isn't big, and it'd be silly to think that I was. But I'm good at this, and you are summoning a human being to provide you with immediate service and comfort. 

I've never taken a ride share as a passenger without tipping. Even when I didn't give the driver five stars.

If this was a cab, you'd tip.

It's not, so you -- yes, you, non-tipping public, and that means on average nine out of every 10 people who get in the car -- do not.

So if you really want to know who's responsible for the lack of drivers in your area?

Turn your phone on. Turn on your camera app. Flip the focus around. 

And say hello to the person responsible. Nine times out of ten.

Why I'm Not Working Tonight

 So I got the booster and the flu shot this morning, and as I suspected, I'm hurting this evening and unable to work my side hustle on one of the more lucrative nights of the week.

Here's an opinion that I haven't heard often enough in the media.

I'm angry about nearly all of this. Enraged, even.

I knew, from the second shot, that this was going to happen. Pain, fever and chills. Pretty much a given. I'm the size of a middle schooler. I have a spouse with diabetes. I don't get to avoid the side effects. I don't get to not take the shot.

I don't blame the vaccine manufacturer. It's potentially saving my life, and preventing me from giving a potentially fatal disease to my family and passengers.

But here's the fun thing about all of this...

If the ASSHATS that aren't vaccinated had gotten vaccinated?

I probably wouldn't have had to do this. At least, not so quickly.

People in other countries might not have died for me getting a third shot before they could get a first.

So the unvaccinated are taking money out of my pocket. They also routinely endanger me and my family by getting in my car without a jab or a mask. They drag my country down to their level. They offer self-serving bullshit, anti-science, and unmitigated selfishness as if they were justifiable motivations. They have blood on their hands.

I am officially tired of these people.

I am officially no longer friends with many of them.

The same way that I'm tired of the super-rich motherf****** that don't pay their taxes.

The same way that I'm tired of the folks that get their news from cyber trolls and other entities that can't be, you know, sued out of existence for knowingly publishing lies and living in bad faith.

The same way that I'm tired of people who think that politics is nothing more than heel and face promos from nothing but grifters.

The same way that I'm tired of grifters.

Tonight, I'm in pain and losing money and cleaning up the goddamned mess of grifters.

Again.

Do better.

Or, I don't know, die of the goddamned disease. 

(And if you are in Austria, get the vaccine by government dictate, or get locked in your home until the death stops happening. I don't care about your life. You don't care about mine. It's fair.)

Just do it without infecting anyone else.

Covid is a disease. 

So are the people who can get a vaccination, and choose not to.

When the iPod speaks to you

My audio in the car is either radio (NPR, sports telecast) or an old-school iPod. The latter has about 8,000 songs on it, and I mostly just cycle through it on random shuffle play. 

The iPod is, I kid you not, sentient. 

Or at the very least, capable of great feats of coincidence.

The other night, I'm nearing the end of my shift. I'm tired, but the money hasn't been great and I *could* do another fare. If it's worthwhile. I'm ten minutes from home.

Surge price maps creep up. Good amounts. If I drive a little out of my way, I can lock in a price and get that final fare.

Then the iPod clicks over. Here's what came up. (Fleetwood Mac "Little Lies.")

Hmm. 

Uber *has* had this nasty little habit of only delivering fares of about half the shown surge price when you activate in the zone. If you turn on before you are in the zone, there's no guarantee your fare will have surge. And I'm out late enough so that I could easily get pulled a long way away.

Blink. And the surge price is gone.

Tell me lies, indeed...