Ten Things I Think, But Do Not Say, When People Say "I'll Tip In The App"

 Pwomise, Daddy, pwomise?

As that's a binding verbal contract and you can tip before the ride is over, I'm just going to lock the doors and wait for you to do that.

Lies make Baby Jesus cry.

Please, Kind Sir? I've Been Ever So Good!

The curse of Allah be on him if he is one of the liars.

Great. Now I've got to write down where you live and come back with protestors if you don't. And that giant inflatable rat smells.

OK, but just the tip.

In John 8:44 we learn that liars are "the children of your father the devil and you love to do the evil things he does." Give me cash now, or tip in the app before you leave the car, if you want to avoid eternal damnation.

How much, exactly? I'll be following up. (cracks knuckles)

The spreadsheet that I keep tells me that 93% of the time, you won't. Surprise me.