My Tight Five

Tip Your Server

Tight Five is a phrase from the world of stand up comedy, where comedians have their sharpest bits cut down to speed sets in exposure gigs. It's basically the same as an elevator pitch in business; your greatest hits, as it were.

And, well, it exists in ride share as well. At least for me. At the risk of seeming a lot less spontaneous than I actually am, please welcome yourself to... the A material.

> "I'm taking you to ... " Base level conversation, because when I don't check your drop point, Disaster Looms.

> "There's water in the seatback pocket, and cough drops and breath mints..." This is accompanied usually by a little bit of pantomime and manipulation, because the dish isn't secured and I don't want you to wear it.

> "Where are you from, since no one's from here?" - This nearly always worked to get a snort in the Bay Area, where 4 out of 5 people to enter the car where from Southern California, Chicago, Canada, New York, Florida, Texas, or India. That number dropped a lot when you got into the East or South Bay, but it still held pretty well. On the East Coast, I don't break this one out very often.

> "Do you take Lyft fairly often? I can throw you a tip or three." I've driven nearly 10,000 rides as I write this, so if I don't have tips by now, I'm probably doing something wrong. Most of the time, people say yes and most of the time, I tell them something they didn't know.

> "What do you do?" It's not news to anyone who has ever worked in sales and marketing, but people generally like to talk about themselves. Especially if you seem interested and/or not trying to sell them something. (What am I trying to sell you, when you are in my car? Good will in case my route isn't perfect, or we run into unforeseen traffic. And if you are so moved as to tip, then the sale is more obvious.)

> "Would you like some recommendations?" I don't know why people think that de facto cab drivers have all of the in the know tips on restaurants and cultural attractions, especially when the vast majority of my time is spent, well, not getting out of the car to experience the things that I've taken you to. But I guess we've all seen enough movies where the cab driver has advanced the plot, and maybe part of your great Tourist Experience is to do the thing the cabbie said. (I have some, by the way. Especially for SF and Philly.)

> "That reminds me of a podcast..." I'm in the car a lot, folks. I'm listening to a lot of NPR to try to keep my mind occupied, and I'm also prone to drawing causality lines from work, past experiences, family, etc.

Oh, and if you don't want anything but the first two?

Just pray to your phone, and all will be calm.

But probably a lot less fun for both of us, really...