The Five Types Of Mask Scofflaws

  

5) Chinly McChinMask

The rule is not that you wear a mask, you mooks. It is that you actually cover your breathing holes.

4) Nasal Negator

Well, it's on your face at least. Now if it was only covering the holes you are probably actually breathing through.

3) Mask and Switch

So you were wearing it when you got in the car, but not as soon as I take my eyes off you to drive? Very, very slick. Enjoy those increasingly open windows and the only ride you are ever getting in my car -- or, if the platform is responsive, any other...

2) The Least You Can Do

You say you have one, but you aren't going to wear it until the second you get into the car. Very reassuring. 

1) Mockmask

I've got a two-ply cloth mask with a pocket, and inside the pocket is a medical grade N90. During daylight, I top it off with a plastic face shield. That's because I've driven over a thousand people in my car since the start of the pandemic, and have (somehow?) remained disease-free so far.

So your opinion of my set up is... *extremely* pointless? Really not necessary? Best left unexpressed? 

Yes, yes and yes...