The Command Performance

 I've been doing this for over 9 years and 40,000 rides now, and for the past few, I've really been making the effort to stay closer to home, even if it costs me a few bucks or takes me a little extra time. The chance of getting into some kind of automotive trouble spikes further away, whether it's a flat tire, missed signal, etc., etc., and I also enjoy being able to give local recommendations for food and such. If your rideshare driver is stressed, that can't be good for tips, either -- and my tips percentage has definitely gone up over the years.

The side effect of this is how, especially when your hours are relatively consistent (i.e., I usually work nights), you are going to run into the same customers from time to time. And when your ride is distinctive, or you insist on consistently quirky amenities, it gets memorable.

Which can be a little awkward, because, well, I've got a go to list of conversational tactics and topics that I'll hit, rather than risk driving while doing Serious Thinking. And as much as you might want me to stick to playing the hits... you probably actually, well, don't.

So, if you get in the car and recognize me, by all means, feel free to start a conversation. But give me something new to work with, because (spoiler alert)... I probably don't remember the last time I took you somewhere, given the, um, 40,000 rides.

Also, this. 

If I *do* remember everything we talked about the last time?

I might not have done so, with, shall we say, perfect kindness and charity...

Amuse-bouche bloglets

An amuse-bouche, for those of you who don't do the French, is a small bite of something tasty to tide you over until a real meal happens. Which also tends to happen when you work the hustle routinely; things that aren't a full story, but worthy of note on their own. Including, but not limited to... 

> There is no weather that will force Certain Women who attend Greek college events to wear a protective layer of clothing. On some level, you have to admire the commitment.

> There is also no weather that will keep Angry Old White Drunks from fighting in the streets of Trenton. I can only assume it had something to do with a halftime show being mostly in Spanish.

> A recant fare chose to purchase a ride for a guest, who they then gave the name of (g-word) (n-word), only without my web subtlety. The fare canceled the ride, which gave me the easiest $3.90 of the day, and presumably made the purchaser have to do it again. I'm not here to shame anyone for how they choose to spend their money, but, um...

> I picked up a Fredo, who did not (gravitas on) BREAK MY HEART. (If you don't get the reference, either I am too old, or you are too young, and maybe both.)

> I recently picked up a local college football player who was discussing his post-school options, most of which involved "the three-letter agencies." He was giving up his final year of eligibility, rather than risk his future earning power to repeated injury. Which made me think, well, if you actually are concerned about athletic achievement, I know of one three-letter agency you won't be applying to...

> There is a local chicken place in The Hood which is called "Super Pollo." It has a superhero chicken carrying a covered round plate, which presumably meanse his superpower is to kill and sell his friends and family for money. There is also a "Super Pollo 2". 

Whenever I drive past these places, my mind starts to imagine 

a) the rest of the Super Pollo Cinematic Universe, possibly with side order sidekicks

b) a Tupac-Bigge style rap battle between Super Pollo 1 and Super Pollo 2

c) having lucha libre wrestlers fight each other in Super Pollo 1 and Super Pollo 2 costumes, preferably on the sidewalk outside the restaurant

d) how, if I had All The Moneys In The World, all of this work would exist, and 

e) how it is probably for the best that I do not have All The Moneys In the World.

> Marketing slogan for a beer in the hood: "It Ain't Gonna Drink Itself." Well, the truth is important...

> Recent email from Uber: "Let's stop human trafficking, together". Which my suspicious mind read as a tacit admission that Uber's been up to some things, and is making a very big presumption on me...