The Clubhouse Leader For Worst Fare Of The Year

Near Asshats

Folks... I don't talk politics with passengers when it's pretty obvious that I'm not going to agree to them. I also don't have an issue with passengers who don't wear masks, because it's optional now and increasingly a minority of riders. I stil wear mine, and I keep my windows cracked, because I haven't gotten the virus yet and don't really want it. Also, my wife is high risk due to diabetes, so, well, let's just wear the mask. It's really not that hard. My body, my choice, really not an issue to the passenger.

Recently, I was trying to qualify for an Uber bonus on rides given, and the app was not cooperating at all. Nothing but long rides from a long distance away, and the shift is working about half of the effectiveness of when it's good. Some days you get the bear and such. The final indignity is a ride that's 9 minutes away, going 31 minutes east, out into Red Country, away from any kind of surge price or utility. Oh well, nothing to be done about it; I can't afford the cancel. Let's just get it over with.

My pick up is bad from the start, with delays before leaving. The passenger is an older woman, and we're waiting on a bigger guy, presumably her husband. I tell them about the amenities (hand sanitizer and water), and we're off.

I've cracked the windows, as it's in the mid'60s and beautiful outside. As we get on the highway, the guy asks me to close the windows, as he's cold. I do this (by the way, he could have closed the windows himself; I don't use the child safety controls)... and a minute later, he's asking me to turn up the air conditioning, as he's hot. 

Yeah. Wonderful. 15 minutes to go until I three star him and stop doing this for the night.

A few minutes later, they've exhausted conversation with each other and decide to come back to me, despite my absolute silence towards them (and cracked driver-side window). Not too surprisingly, my choice of wearing a mask seems to personally offend this lovely human being. After a paragraph of profanity about how something that's killed over a million Americans (and counting) is all bullshit, I respond with the thing that really should just shut anyone up.

"Sir, my wife is high risk. I wear a mask to keep her safe."

Now, my reason to wear a mask is, in all candor, NONE OF HIS GODDAMNED BUSINESS. But this reason is in fact true, and while it's not the entire reason (I also wear it so that, um, I don't get the goddamned disease myself, and I wear it to make the more educated and sane and tip-likely of my passengers to be comfortable)... it's the biggest reason. I don't know about you, but if I knew that I gave someone a disease, I'd feel bad about it. Don't want to feel bad. So I wear a mask.

This buys me about ten seconds of silence. Then the asshat asks me, sarcastically, if I *like* wearing a mask. Like he's trying to provoke a fight, or imply that I've got some kind of fetish.

It's 2am and we're in the middle of nowhere New Jersey. I know there aren't other cars out here; you'd have to be a crazy person to do rideshare in this area, at this hour. This escalates if I pull over and tell these two to get the eff out of my car.

So I grit my teeth and drive. They later ask me where I live, as if I want to share that information with them, or they just want to get more data for their Some Liberal Drove Us Home fantasy. Since it's where their pick up was, I tell them. I drive them into their specific driveway, and I can tell from their tone as I do this that they have no idea just how close they were to me just pulling over and walking away.

Oh, and because you already knew this... Trump bumper stickers on the cars in the driveway.

There's a culture war in this country, folks. 

You can try not to fight in it if you like. 

But that doesn't mean the other side won't fight you for it anyway.

No, You're Not Wrong - This Is Getting Expensive

The price of gasoline has been a major concern for rideshare drivers for, well, ever... and when I run the numbers in my terrifyingly dense 5+ year spreadsheet of rideshare whimsy, the cost per hour of operation has more or less doubled in the past three months. (Thanks, Putin and our Good Saudi Friends who never increase production levels when an oil shock hits a Democratic Administration! It's almost as global corporate elites subvert democracies! Almost.)

Anyhoo... the rideshare platforms are very aware that this kind of thing is highly demotivating to those of us who choose to do the hustle. A $0.55 universal surcharge on all fares has been imposed, which is better than a sharp stick in the eye if you are picking up a mess of short urban rides, drive a hybrid and don't encounter traffic. Failing those happy conditions... not so much.

By my way of calculating, the true per hour take for me in 2022 is down about 15% -- and my average number of hours per week doing it is also down, by 10.5%.

Since I'm making less and the gas prices are higher, this means that every minute that you do this is more expensive. There's also been a much higher variation between platforms, with Lyft driving more per hour than Uber for the last two months. Driving for Lyft is pretty much the same, but there are clear differences. Starting with...

a) Lyft switches off drivers to other passengers much more than Uber. This means the driver is less likely to have long drives to pick up passengers, but also has less control and knowledge of their time in the program.

b) Lyft doesn't tell drivers time and distance on rides while already in the app

c) Lyft is more likely than Uber to incent drivers with streak bonuses -- which means the driver is way more likely to go to a place they weren't anticipating (and maybe have a really good reason to want to avoid)

So... I turn off the ap between rides, and I check both aps and go with the higher price. You would, if you were a driver, as well. This means that the aps show fewer drivers doing the gig, and fewer drivers are, well, doing the gig. It cycles to more surge pricing and more for the driver in the short term... and maybe less in the long term, because when ride share gets too expensive, passengers will do without or find other means.

But in the long run? The cars drive themselves, and as a driver -- I don't have ownership in these aps. I'm just trying to make my nut today, or if we're getting really far out... this week.

Happy riding!

Chair Shots

Play Along At Home

 I'm downtown near the arena when a pro wrestling show ends, so a surge price happens and I get a ping to wade into a sea of departing cars. It's not fun and not really what I try to do in this work; you are way more likely to get caught in the traffic and not make a good hour of wages than to eat some sweet, sweet surge price... but the gig does not care, and in you go. 

I eventually find my fares, who ask to use the trunk so they can store their giveaway items (of course). These turn out to be two steel folding chairs with promotional stickers on them, because beating on your opponent with a steel folding chair is just a long standing trope by now, and hey, free chairs. After ten minutes of wrestling the traffic, the rain, and Trenton's finest annoyed cops in rain pointing at people, we're off and having a fine time, because I contain multitudes (and can talk about wrestling).

They are curious about rideshare and had a story to tell about the number of drivers who they had to cancel on or who canceled on them, so I tell them the tricks of the trade from my side of things. At a red light, I pulled up the ap I wasn't using and showed them what the map around the arena looked like now -- and it's bright glowing surge, big numbers. They express amazement, so I hint at a heel turn.

"Yeah, I'm getting kind of pissed off, just looking at it."

Nervous laughter. We are also, it should be noted, not in a great neighborhood.

"Get out of my ca... oh, wait. There's two of you."

More laughter.

"And you've got... STEEL CHAIRS."

Big pop. And later on, a tip.

Lean Into It

It's Reunion Week for the local college (Princeton, you may have heard of it, feel free to say that last part with dismissive sniff)...

Which means a rather more erudite and chatty class of passenger, many of whom feel compelled to connect with their friendly neighborhood rideshare driver.

One of these souls, a bearded fellow from Michigan, someone got to the point of doing odd things for money, and disclosed that he had been paid $700 for 9 rounds of donating plasma. Which was in short supply due to the pandemic, so he felt OK about his sacrifice but it's still time to go back to the office after years of working from home, and he's got these track scars.

Me, I think I'd lean into it.

"Well, I did a lot of reading during the pandemic and got into Charles Bukowksi. You know what they say, man, the palace of wisdom can only be accessed through the road of excess. So I develop a real rager of a heroin addiction, really put in a lot of time chasing the dragon, then just (snaps fingers) quit cold turkey when I realized I wasn't going to ever feel like I did the first time I used. Haven't touched it since."

(awkward silence)

"So how did you spend your pandemic? I bet you baked some sourdough. YOU ANIMAL."

Gratitude (And That's Right)

The other night, I'm working in Princeton during a surge time. I get a run of nice short rides with nice short people; good conversations and tips and nothing too far away from each other. It's going well. Which is when I get a ping from 17 minutes away, in Trenton.

Well, in every life a little Trenton must fall, and I've had many good shifts in that town. I know the potholes, I know the area, short rides happen and it's also in a surge zone. The 17 minutes of dead time from now until then isn't great, but it's also not avoidable. Away we go.

On pick up, after several minutes of waiting and it's about an hour before when I want to shut down for the night... I discover that either the platform failed to tell me it was a long ride, or the passenger changed it later. So eat 70 minutes to Wilmington, Delaware, with the added bonus of (a) the ap does not work for me in Delaware, (b) the passenger is neither nice nor tipping, and (c) yeah, this blows. By the time I finish the drop and do the backtrack, it'll be for substantially less than average per hour, and below average hours? I'm not a fan of them.

The next day, I start things in a streak time, which is when you have to do three in a row in the same ap, no matter what, to activate the bonus. Once again, the ap does not warn me for overly long ride (different ap!), and now I find myself in who the hell knows where I am upper central New Jersey, where no one needs rideshare, the roads are all one lane, it's raining and the drivers all are in aggro SUVs and driving me off the road. I wound up eating the hour and forgetting the streak, and doing a lot less with that ap than usual for the rest of the day. It's important to show the algorithm that's in no way working for the best interest of the driver that there are consequences for poor performance. (OK, it's not.)

The trick when things are going downhill is to try to practice gratitude. The car's running. Good hours exist. Later on in the shift, I'll get taken to the Philadelphia airport, get tipped handsomely by the kind passengers, then wind up getting a $27 surge price on a $4 ride. For a few hours there, I was making a lot more than I make for doing my other hustles, for work that I often prefer doing, truth be told. (Dealing with some of my clients is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach.)

But these surprise super long rides that the aps are supposed to warn you about, and aren't?

Don't make the act of gratitude very easy.

Play me out, Manhattan Men...