Prank Dreams

Rideshare drivers can not, as a rule, mess with their passengers. The ratings have to stay high, complaints are taken very seriously, and unless you are *very* sure that the joke is going to (a) be received as a joke, and (b) will kill so much as to likely inspire tipping... well, safety first. And second. And third through twelfth.

But that doesn't mean that the mind doesn't wander down some, shall we say, entertaining scenarios. And since I don't have an improv group to film all these, and pandemics and my lack of video chops are also a thing...

Well, you get the set up. On to the pranks that will never happen!

1) Song of the Damned

My iPod (yes, iPod, I'm old school) has about 8K songs on it most of which are on shuffle, many of which I will skip over if I deem them inappropriate to the passenger. But sometimes, I really just want to see what would happen if I kept playing the same song, all while insisting that I wasn't. For more about how this might play out, listen to this bit by John Mulaney.

2) Rideshare Jukebox

Another music prank, but this requires a lot more work. All of the iPod selections are songs, stand up comedy routines, or murder mystery podcasts about grisly crimes perpetrated by rideshare drivers. This probably needs (a) a hidden camera for reactions, and (b) passengers that don't have headphones or earbuds. As the driver during this, I'd totally refuse to engage or acknowledge the content.

3) The Driving Dead

I'm not much for make up or costuming, but the idea of adding a bit of pallor to the cheeks, perhaps some structural decay, and a bit of a monotone as to how long this shift has lasted? Or how all you have to do to keep driving forever is to just go off one platform and on to the other, world without end, possibly while telling some story about an unhappy passenger who cursed you...

It would work on drunk people. Too well, really.

4) Game Show

Inspired by the great and mostly forgotten Daffy Duck and Porky Pig short "The Ducksters", this would give participants the chance to win prizes based on their ability to answer absurd trivia questions. More or less ruined by everyone having the Internet in their pocket, but still, a man can dream. "What's the latitude and longitude of the Wreck of the Hesperus"?

5) Take Your Child To Work Day

Not really kosher, since the front seat isn't allowed during the pandemic and for sale during normal times, but the idea of having an accomplice -- and making sure that the casting decision for such a person would make it highly unlikely that the person was, in fact, your kid -- makes for *much* better improv, really. I don't quite have the nerve of Sasha Baron Cohen, but I'm sure he could get some good weird fun out of this...